INTERVIEW WITH THE WERE

INTERVIEW WITH THE WERE

Just doing some prep stuff for the LOLAD novel, basically. Thought I'd share this snippet.

"This isn't going to be like that last interview, is it? I spent weeks being laughed at by friends as being the first were mousse. I don't even let Junior eat dessert. It rots the teeth."
"Ah, no, ma'am. I'll let you preview this before it goes to the printer."
"How nice of you. For the record, it's were moose. M-O-O-S-E."
"You can become a moose?"
"Of course. And a cat, but I prefer being a moose. Except in the parks. Tourists are evil."
"They are?"
"One of them stared at me and said I was the ugliest horse he'd ever seen!"
"I see. Well, do you mind the tape recorder? I'd be typing this, but, well, your son, ah, my computer."
"What?"
"Well, your son pissed on my computer. Ma'am."
"Oh, that. Don't worry. Jerry is just going through a marking his territory phase. You can use ours."
"Ma'am, that is a typewriter."
".... And?"
"A typewriter isn't a computer."
"Oh. I'd always wondered why the names changed. I thought it was copyright. So Underwood doesn't make computers?"
"No, ma'am. They don't really make typewriters anymore. But I don't we're here to talk about that. You claim to be a were moose?"
"Oh, no. No, I don't."
"What?"
"I don't claim to be one. I am one."
".... Right."
"But I can't show you."
"Why not? Is there a veil?"
"A veil? I'm not widowed."
"I meant, some magic that somehow makes it possible for your existence to have been hidden from the world for centuries."
"What are you talking about?"
"So you're saying there isn't one?"
"You think there is one?"
"No, I - never mind. So why can't you change?"
"My husband doesn't like me doing it in front of food."
"Food? Did you say food?"
"He's rather old fashioned. I keep telling him drive throughs are to order food, not eat the tellers, but never listens. Men never do. Anyway, dear, he'd punch you in the face a few times, which is why I can't - say, you're looking pale. Are you all right?"
"Fine."
"But you look really pale!"
"I'm fine, really.."
"And besides, why would you think we're hidden? You know about us!"
"But that's just stories, myths."
"So you're saying it's not real? Is that it?"
"Ah. Maybe we can continue this some other day?"
"If you want to. I have to feed Junior anyway. And make sure he doesn't mark his territory on anything else today. I'm thinking of investing in a cattle prod."
"A .. My. Look at the time. I'd better go. Deadlines to make, stories to write..."
"It's a shame Otis wasn't here. I'll have to let him know you came by, Mister... Say, I never got your name."
"Uh. John. John ... Johnson. Good day to you!"
"What a curious man. Jun .... Otis Junior! Were you making faces at the poor man? You were, weren't you! What have I told you about changing in front of guests! Get over here right now and if you even think about marking territory on him I'll make sure you never can again, you got it! Good. Children these days.... When your father gets home, he'll be angry, you mark my words. No meat for a week, at the very least! But at least you did mark him for your father, just in case."